Once Again I Am Surrounded By Men

My return is imminent and I know how much this will anger some people. The less bitter majority of you, however, will hopefully cheer. Hurrah!

The results for the Total Politics Blog Awards 2011 have been slowly drip dripped on us all and I am very proud to have been included.

This little diary has made the Top 50 right-wing blogs and Top 10 Conservative bloggers. In both cases I appear to be the highest positioned sole female on the list. As the great Lady herself once said - "I owe nothing to Women's Lib."

Thank you to everyone who voted, you make it all worthwhile. x

Diary Recess

Dear readers, I've been struggling with something for the last few days but I've finally come to a decision.

In this quiet period that is recess, I am taking some time off from blogging. It won't be for long, possibly until the House comes back in September, perhaps until Tory party conference. 

There are a number of possible reasons for this - I'm getting married, I've been fired, I'm checking into the Priory or maybe I'm taking a long trip around South America as a bounty hunter in order to pay back a man who once saved my life. 

 

Either way it's going to go quiet on here for a little while. I will still tweet but not to my usual extent so do tweet or DM me and I will always enjoy reading your emails.

This is not goodbye as I WILL be back and my return will mean posts from the heart of conference land, undercover action against crazy lefties and most likely a thousand word long rant about why Sally Bercow shouldn't have won Big Brother. 

This doesn't mean you can't vote for me though.

Toodles for now. x

Tweet Tweet, My Sweet

It’s been subdued around Westminster for the last week or so. Everyone has seemed almost afraid to make too much noise. Unlike many, those who work on the Estate are used to seeing men and women heavily armed and ready to shoot the next Greenpeace protestor off the roof at a moment’s notice or the occasional riot on our doorstep. But the footage that we have all seen since last weekend will still have shaken and enraged a great deal many people.

As a Tory I am all for strong policing and robust responses but I was not happy with the PM after this.

“So we are working with the Police, the intelligence services and industry to look at whether it would be right to stop people communicating via these websites (twitter/facebook) and services (BBM) when we know they are plotting violence, disorder and criminality. I have also asked the police if they need any other new powers.”

It’s lazy and misleading to lay this at the door of social networks, not to mention damn hypocritical after our criticism of social media censorship in other countries. Individuals determined to cause trouble will always find a way to communicate their intensions, the police should be using social media as a tool to locate and anticipate the violence and those causing it. Those who are saying that closing Twitter for a few hours, during major riots, is ‘common sense’ are talking out of their arses. The benefits of such a network have been noted again and again.

You could almost hear a collective sigh when the PM announced that Parliament would be recalled and the Whips were quick to send out an email confirming that suitable food would be available for Members. Waste of time and money if you ask me.

The boss wasn’t at all impressed with the Government’s response and on more than one occasion I heard him muttering something about the Bullingdon Club under his breath.
He flies off on his hols this weekend and is exceptionally smug about having booked it later than most.

It was nice to see everyone back in their office best, anything to stop Denis MacShane from walking around the Estate in hippy sandals and a bright red check shirt. My eyes!

Toodles x

For One Day Only

Drat...

Agony Aunts and The Total Politics Blog Awards 2011

Those who follow me on twitter will know I floated the idea of being an Agony Aunt. This has had a good response so far but I'm keeping the deadline open a little while longer to get as many problems and questions as possible.
So if you have a problem or issue that requires ineffective and pointless advice, you can email felicityparkes@gmail.com!

Should any dear readers wish to nominate this little blog or me as an individual then that would be just smashing!

Total Politics Blog Awards 2011

Toodles! x

All Work and No Drink Makes Flick a Bored Bag Carrier

We've reached that stage now where the portraits have been taken off the walls and the carpets has been pulled up to be cleaned. It's the same every summer recess. This means that most of the bods walking about are butch, sweaty men with stubble. Wink wink!

All the food stops at 3pm and the place is deserted by 6pm. I've also learned recently that if you stand still for too long, a police sniffer dog will try shagging your leg.

The few MPs who are making the trip into Westminster, bring their children in with them. Every time I've seen Mr Speaker he has been acting as babysitter. The poor chap looks very tired. Do let him have a night off, Sally!

The worst thing though is the silence in the evening. I know many of you will be asking “just what the heck are you doing on the estate in the evening, Felicity?” Not drinking, that's what! Summer recess means no more receptions or lobby events. It's all 'buy your own wine' until September. Ghastly state of affairs.

Grannie was such a slag...

It amazes me that the weather should turn just as I get the office fan working again. (Yes, I am quite the dab hand at fixing things.) I'm sure the one or two nudists in Parliament (and you know who you are) enjoyed the heatwave but the rest of us, those still bound by a few social boundaries, just had to sweat it out.

My plan is still on course - nearly all lobby letters have gone out and the constituency work is just about up to date. At this rate I will be finished by Monday!

Toodles! x

Monkey Nipples, Chinese and Somerset.

I thought I was being so clever getting into work at 8am with the plan to work my behind off and then skip out the door again at 3pm. This must have been glaringly obvious to the boss when I opened the office door and whispered "Oh...monkey nipples" as I saw found him sat behind his desk.
He could have signed the letters and left knowing full well that we all had work to do but instead he sat there loudly reading from his stack of newspapers and occasionally adding to my to-do list.

 
At 4pm, after throwing seventeen rolled up bits of paper into my hair and eventually boring even himself, he left.

It was dark by the time I got home Monday night. In fact I am writing this on the floor of my living room. Chinese take away on one side, wine and cigarette on the other. Next door my flatmate appears to be 'trying something new' with his girlfiend. I do believe that's the polite term for it anyway.

The boss is opening a new football pitch in the constituency this weekend and I really should be writing the five minute speech that he's asked for. I'm thinking up bad puns to use in between mouthfuls of noodles and smoke. Greasy, tarry goodness...

Posts have been thin on the ground recently due to my brilliant idea of getting all the important work done and completed before the end of the first week in August. Thus ensuring that I spend the rest of recess, drunk on the Terrace. There I shall lounge like an Somerset MP!

Of course when I had the chance, I wrote one or two posts for Total Politics. Don't worry, you won't find anything analytical or cerebral from me as per usual. Posts are here and here.

 Anyway, toodles and goodnight! Let's all keep our fingers crossed for those growth figures, shall we?