"U-turn if you want to, I'm off down the pub."

The day started out well. I found a five pound note on the pavement and proudly waved it in people's faces when I got into work. No Tesco sandwich for me today, oh no! However after inspecting the menus and finding that today's lunch was mainly crap with a side order of disappointment, I spent it on a pack of fags and a can of diet coke. Smoky, fizzy fun!

A possibility of a u-turn on the NHS reforms brought my boss out in a red hue. He chomped through an entire pack of biscuits and slurped at his tea, all the while calling senior Government types every name under the sun. I can see why he is so angry. After all it's him and those like him who spend a great deal of time telling the constituents why we are making these reforms. A u-turn makes them all look like tw*ts! Heck, it makes me look like a tw*t as I also spent twenty five minutes on the phone explaining to a man why PCTs must be scrapped, cremated and their remains scattered across running water.
I have a little game that I play where if I think I'm going to be on a call for a long time I try to see how many quotes from or references to Mel Brooks films I can get in. I have yet to find a topic where Dracula: Dead and Loving It doesn't work.

Top tip to any female readers: don't buy M&S 'ladder resistant' stockings. You know why? Because they're not resistant! I had a ladder from thigh to ankle by lunch time and they were brand new on. I chose to keep them on mostly because I didn't have a spare pair. That and I find the way men react to a ladder or hole hilarious.

Rachel is back at work and appears quite chipper! Generally still on the quiet side apart from the one moment today when she pointed out a well known BBC political chap and loudly asked "Why does he walk like he's been done up the arse?" I walked away and left her to buy her own coffee.

According to Guido there's a rumour going round that Gordon's off in the next week or so. Let's all take a moment to remember...