Let's Get Fracking!

You would have thought that I would try to draw out my holiday for as long as possible but the truth is I was bored and desperate to get back to work within twenty four hours of activating my out of office message.

What do I have to show for my time off? A strained silence with my friend and travel mate, Charlotte, a burnt bum where I fell asleep in the sun and a series of increasingly pathetic emails from the boss asking me where his car keys are. The closest I came to getting my rocks off was when Charlotte drunkenly crawled into my bed thinking I was her ex boyfriend. I believe I slurred “You can sleep here but it’s too hot for cuddles.”

I popped into work Wednesday afternoon. There was no way I was actually going to do any work but I was curious as to what state the office was in. Thankfully the boss wasn’t in and from what I could see of his desk, he hadn’t destroyed another laptop either. All in all the office was fine and dandy. I just can’t decide whether this is a good thing or a bad thing.

There were very few staffers about on the Estate and all of them looked dreadful. Every female had dark smudges under the eyes where the makeup had come off but by god she couldn’t be bothered to put any on. 

Stubble is always the sure sign of a recess and every male staffer I walked past looked like an extra in Lost. The place was dead, so dead in fact that I popped myself down in the office and enjoyed a large glass of Pimms and played on sexymp.co.uk for a little while.

So that’s it dear readers, it’s all back to business now and should anyone want to get in touch, well...you know what to do!

Toodles x

Mugs, Jugs and Slugs

While I am off on holls hopefully enjoying some whirlwind romance or at the very least getting my jollies, I hope all of Westminster enjoys the visit from Barack Obama.

I imagine that Obama will be half way through his speech and all of a sudden Gordon Brown recreates the scene from The Graduate. I will be very annoyed if I miss that.

Dear readers do you ever wish to hint to your work colleagues that you may be an anonymous blogger, wind up The Daily Mail AND line my pockets at the same time? Well you're in bally luck!

A girl's gotta pay for her shoes somehow...

I am Felicity Parkes by FelicityParkes

And now all that remains to be asked is:

Will the bars on the Estate notice a drop in their profits while I'm away? Will I come back to find the boss accidentally hanged himself as he mucked around with the office blinds? Will George ever send me a thank you email? Should I do as heavily suggested to me and remove the website I set up documenting Jacob Rees-Moggs double breasted suits? Will the Speaker be annoyed when he finds out what I left in the green petition bag? And finally... how much will a glass of wine cost on the flight?

Toodles!