Bojo Shows His Mojo

This blog now officially backs Boris for Leader of the Party. You're welcome, Boris!

Meeting Boyfriends and Hearing Plots

Friday night saw me meeting with Rachel's boyfriend, Richard for the first time. She brought him into London for drinks after work. I don't like him and I am quite sure the feeling is mutual. Of course I remained polite for most of the evening despite his attitude. It's no wonder Rachel was so quiet and boring when she first started interning with us. Richard is of the belief that his girlfriend should be quiet until he speaks to her and that any female should always defer to a male. As you can imagine, dear readers, I'm not the deferring type.

“History teaches us that man is superior to women. All the great empires were lead by men, all our finest minds have been men.”

“I can't be bothered to debate this with you, Dick. I will simply point out that our greatest PM was a woman. Ergo you're talking sh*t.”

He told Rachel he wanted to leave shortly after that.

On the same Friday I also blogged for Total Politics so do toodle over and have a read.

Monday disappeared into nothingness. Every Tory backbencher I spoke to was spitting about Nick Clegg's 'victory' on the NHS. Cameron may be wanting to secure the Coalition and help Nick keep his leadership but he really ought to think about his own. It never takes long for talk to turn into plotting...

A few people I know went to the Boris drinks on Monday night. This poor bag carrier didn't have £30 to spare but I would have like to have gone. It's always nice to be in the presence of Bojo's mojo. From what I've been told today by rough looking staffers, it was a good evening and as predicted nothing went to plan. Has Boris ever been on time for an event?

And apparently there was talk of this blog and it's author last night. It's an open secret according to some...

NotoAV, BoJo and Inspector Clouseau

Who else went to the No to AV event this morning in Victoria Gardens for parliamentary staffers and their MPs? I got as far as the gate and then turned around again. I am NotoAV and proud but there is no way I was going to wear a bright green t-shirt in public so I stayed off to one side and had a smoke.
I did spot one or two MPs returning to the Westminster Palace with their green shirts tucked under their arms. I don't know if these were gifts from the campaign team or 'souvenirs'.

Well done those who did their part for the compaign at 9am on a Monday morning. With my cigarette clasped between my lips, I saluted you. And quite possible the German tourists who just happened to be walking past me at the same time. It would have turned messy if they had taken offence, I can tell you!

Also well done to Labour today from ignoring their own links and connections to the UKuncut bunch and instead trying to make the story about Boris Johnson. Of course some more than other's were having trouble with BoJo's words of wisdom.

Did you know, dear readers that there are those who are actively trying to corner and identify me? If it wasn't so funny I would probably find the whole situation a little bit sexy!

The people in question are mostly colleagues, staffers who just hate being out of the loop. I am quite sure some of them are reading this right now. My friends: don't you have better things to do than try to work out if you have a spy in your midst? There's talk of getting together and working through the clues. I'm going to be there, I've offered to take notes. Inspector Clouseau eat your heart out!

Remember boys and girls: I get my information and inspiration from many things. If you have a titbit that you think I might be interested in then tell me. You can rely on me to keep all identities safe, my lips will be sealed. And yes, before anyone says anything, that does make a change from the norm.

Goodnight x

Wednesday Ping-Pong Fun Time!

I came into work today to find picture of Ed balls printed, cut out and sellotaped around my PC screen. Surely that counts as bullying in the work place? I know of one MP’s office where the Member has pictures of Kelly Brooke on his desk and his staff have little cut outs of George Osborne. I won’t mention names but they know who they are.

The work experience lad wants to be an MP. This wouldn’t be a problem except that today he asked which party was in opposition. I fear for the future, I really do.

The Government Whip’s email about tonight’s vote came through. There were suggestions that Member's 'get their camp beds out' as they were in for a long night. ‘Fab Michael’ titled the email PING-PONG TONIGHT. I wonder how many MPs read that and went to that special pervy place in their heads. A lot on our side no doubt.

I tried printing out 153 letters today to respond to the forest lobbying. We could have sent emails but I wanted them to appreciate the point of the wasted paper. Of course the good old HP printers we all enjoy in these offices chose not to comply. Anything more than two pages at a time and we were greeted with a reboot. There was a brief moment when I considered telling the boss to leave the office while I ‘accidentally’ knocked the printer to the ground. By that I mean take a run at it and really put my body weight into pushing it off the desk. 
I didn’t take this option in the end. Instead I called PICT and requested an engineer visit...again. 


To the S&S!

EDIT:  Many thanks to Spellman for the forest u-turn. I now have to re-do EVERY letter!

No Votes for Druggy Gnomes

The boss was in the office before me today which goes to show how busy it was going to be. The hacks were circling every MP in an attempt to get something juicy. I spotted Paul Waugh sprinting out of Moncrieff's at one point like he had scented blood.

It has already been tweeted by other sources but I heard today from a Member that Anne Main MP was visited by someone from No.10 this morning and told to withdraw the 'no prisoner compensation' amendment she had put forward. 

They do seem to be a little confused as to what they wanted out of this 'prisoner vote' debate. Dave was sick to his stomach but wouldn't give a straight answer at PMQs, some MPs were saying they were being nudged by Whips to rebel but then the Government line went out mid-afternoon by email to all Members, it was just as vague and wet as the PM had been. 

When I was in my teens I had a friend who tried sniffing aerosol cans and he told me he once hallucinated a garden gnome snowboarding through his bedroom window, flying round the room before melting in front of him while screaming the national anthem. He didn't touch the things after that and tended to leave the room whenever God Save the Queen came on the TV during a sporting event. 

However confusing or weird that little story might seem to you, I still think it makes more sense than Downing Street's game plan on the ECHR and prisoner votes.

I noticed this on Eye Spy MP today - Stanley Johnson seen eating a cheese sandwich in Bellamys with Neil Parish MP. Stanley has a mischievous twinkle in his eye.

I am gutted for not seeing him in person. Stanley Johnson is a legend if for nothing else other than helping to create Boris. Cripes!

This neatly brings me onto 'Hotties in the House' or as Guido likes to call it - Totty Watch. I will have to agree with some of chaps he has on there; Goldsmith, Mogg, Hancock and Kelly but what about Drax and Gummer from the new intake? Yes...I know. I discuss the important subjects here!

Derek wasn't in today but I know he somehow plans to attend tonight's staffers party. I wish him luck, especially as I hinted to the girls over lunch that he might have a little rash somewhere on his person. We have a new lad starting next week and I've already decided that the first thing he has to do is watch the Speaker's Procession through Central Lobby whilst wearing a crown. It's the little things in life.

Anyhoo the work day is over, the motion was carried and I now have to go and get my slap on for tonight. If this post doesn't go up until Sunday then you know I drank to much and cocked it up.

Toodles