No Rest For The Wicked

Can someone tell me why I am still at work? It's 8:15pm at the time of writing and I could be in the Sports, in the M.O.G or at home enjoying a facial and a leg wax. I've been stuck at my desk for so many hours that when I rolled over to the filing cabinet and back, I knew the boss had, while my back was turned, moved something on my desk.

"What did you just do?"

"Grabbed a paperclip off your desk. S'not a crime, is it?"

"What's wrong with the box of clips in your drawer?"

"I prefer not to use those to pick the food out of my teeth."

"Oh delightful..."

Today I learnt that it's not okay to laugh when an MP falls out of a lift and that Alan Johnson will hold the door open for you but Ed Miliband won't even try. This, I feel, sums up Labour's problem. 

 

My Non-Job Award goes to this little gem - ME, Diversity and Faith Community Engagement and Campaigning Advisor. No, it's not union based or a Labour run Council position but rather a cushty little job over at CCHQ. I despair.

Thursday evening sees the CIPR PA Annual Parliamentary Researchers Reception and attendees can vote in the 'CIPR PA Westminster Researcher of the Year Award where nominations will be invited to identify the most hard-working and talented member of staff working in a parliamentary office in Westminster.'

Now I'm not going to suggest that you should nominate me because I'm any good at my job. No, rather to annoy all those who actually think the award should go to them. So if you're going and wish to piss someone off, VOTE FLICK! 

I shall now retire. Home is where my flatmate's warm beer and cold pizza wait for me. 

Good night x

Stand and Deliver Your Money or Your Life!

I am now engaged in an office share. I don't like it. That's the problem with the Houses of Parliament – any spare space must be used, even if it's a spare desk in a grotty office. The other staffer who has come to join us is what I would call a Matron and very nice but she doesn't stop talking. Ever. Even when I had my head phones in and watching The Iron Lady trailer she rolled her chair next to mine and proceeded to give a running commentary. All in all it's made the boss a bit tetchy...

“It's not at the top of my list today but if I cross paths with Shagger Mercer, I am going to have words!”

“Over the Cameron comments?”

“Oh indeed.”

*heavy pause* “You have said worse...”

“Yes but either in private or to the man's face! You don't say things like that about the Prime Minster in public. It's the rules, Felicity dear.”

In the House of Lords, first floor over at the West Front, is a notice board full of union leaflets. It's the usual thing about cuts and George Osborne dressed as a highwayman. The boss and I had to walk past it today and the old boy growled. “It's a bloody disgrace!” I watched him look up and down the corridor shifty like. “You'll get caught,” I muttered, “just like the time you tried to take down the PCS Union poster near the post room and by the by - I can NOT run in these heels.” Thankfully he let it go and lunch was enjoyed by all.

An invite came in today for an event campaigning for the 'Criminalisation of Aggressive War'. What a bloody stupid campaign. Oh yes we're against aggressive war but passive war? Get stuck in sunshine!' I'm not sure why but that was said in an Eric Idle sort of voice. I think I need sleep. It has been a long week... What day is it tomorrow? Oh sod it.

Goodnight x

Felicity in the Park - TUC Rally

Voted in by the Unions, for the Unions

In a time of conflict, unrest and bad sporting results, Felicity Parkes attempts to enjoy a day in the park. Surrounded by protesters, socialists and the general unwashed, will she make it to end without giving herself away or will she take one too many nips of the old hip flask?

I arrived at Hyde Park just after 1pm and was  immediately overwhelmed with a sneer. My union disliking boss would have keeled over from the sheer volume of trade union banners. Lots of green, red and purple but not much blue. Funny that.

I spotted son of Lord Hunt of Chesterton, Tristram Hunt MP and Natascha Engel MP near the archway

David Anderson MP was sat near the stage and shouting down his phone and I spotted Hilary Benn MP trying to get in backstage.

The only hacks I recognised were Gary Gibbon and Sir Michael White. Gibbon wandered around bored for a few hours, never looking particularly inspired. I have a sneaking suspicion that White recognised me from when our paths have crossed outside Moncriefs from time to time. I would guess that his red beret was as close as he could get to showing solidarity with his comrades!

The rally seemed to be made up of 'right-on' activists, indoctrinated students and middle-class families who hadn't had a day out since the Stop the War march. There was one couple drinking champagne! This I know as fact because they nearly hit me with when they popped the cork.

Despite all the Tory and bank bashing, it was nice to see lots of people at the rally riding Boris bikes. In their own little way Barclays was represented.

A number of people including David Prentis and Ed Miliband mentioned that half a million people were at the rally. I'm sure I've seen more people at a Take That concert back when they were at their peak.

Ed Miliband's speech was dreadful and as I tweeted today as well, there were quite a few who were not happy to have him there. I nearly lost the hearing in one ear when an old lady screamed "You would've done the same!" This was said by a few others as well and it just so happens I was able to recorded some of it.

I won't go into the drivel that came out of this man's mouth because others have done a far better job than I could have. Here's Patrick Hennessy's comments.

The big screens almost couldn't take it!

For all the gumpf about 'women's equality' and the 'appreciation of the Sisterhood' we still had three near naked dancers on the stage for six minutes. They danced and jiggled while Medhi Hasan stood just off side grimacing. He clenched his jaw and barred his teeth as he realised that for all the sh*t said about respecting women, he was going to have to take to the stage like a beauty pageant host.

The one part that has stuck in my mind from anything Medhi Hasan said all day was this line: "The only difference between Thatcher and Cameron is the gender." IF ONLY I nearly shouted. 

Regardless of all the anti-capitalist nonsense that was spouted today, when it came down to it people were still willing to hand their money over to the few smart businesses in the park. I salute those burger vans, coffee sellers and knock-off t-shirt traders who sold crap to the protesters. And I do mean crap. The cheese burger I bought would have been thrown at Tony Robinson had I not been so bloody hungry. 

All in all there was nothing there for anyone outside of a union or not employed by the public sector. It all felt very 'me me me' despite their attempts to make it 'us us us'. There were your usual lines about the police keeping their "sleazy hands of our kids" and the ill thought out encouragements to occupy building and strike. As it has been rightly pointed out today, the Countryside Alliance had greater numbers at their march. Does that make them more or less mainstream Mr Miliband?

I'll leave you with these two photos that I took at the rally. If I every attend another of these I am going to try sniffing glue before hand. It might help put me in the mindset of trade unionist.