Wednesday, 16 March 2011

BREAKING NEW: vodka eyeballing is bad for you

We Tories don't really like being told what to do. I think this stems from the whole 'I know what's best for me and if I get it wrong then so be it' mentality.
We're individuals rather than parts of a group or body. We are the ones who tend to do the things we're told not to do just to prove a point. Well...I am anyway.

(I could have used the image of George Osborne smoking but that brings the whole 'hookers and coke' subject up again!)

"Oh that's a filthy habit. Really you should put that cigarette out."

This is what I had to put up with when I tried to enjoy my lunch break with a few moments of self pollution. I never respond well to this.

"Next you'll be telling me to stop with the vodka eyeballing or cow tipping!"

If I wanted to be lectured to be irritating busy bodies then I would have voted for Labour last year. Though saying that I am not at all impressed with the ban on tobacco advertising. 
Make you bally minds up. If it's such a bad thing then ban it all together and stop me from choosing to pollute my lungs or go away. I swear sometimes the Government sounds and acts like my mother after a few glasses of wine and a disappointing evening out with my father.

Anyway as I wrote at the start: we don't like being told what to do. We like to give orders rather than follow them. Maybe this is why I didn't last very long in the Brownies. My father was happy to have me out of the house and away from his work but mummy dearest didn't like it. She thought that being in the Brownies would somehow make me more inclined to spend more time with women when I got older. Yes you did read that right, she was worried that the little brown uniform with it's little yellow scarf would turn me gay. Between you and me dear readers I'm told that she thinks this is the reason I have still not settled down. This is why I drink.

I was eventually kicked out of the Brownies for 'constantly taking the Lord's name in vain and setting fire to the owl mascot.' I regret nothing! My darling sister still likes to bring this up as an example of how I do not play well with others. I've heard she plays a little too well with her brother-in-law, the Nigella wannabe bitch.

Credit where it's due: she and her new husband do have a cracking wine cellar.

Bye for now. x


  1. Hi Fel,

    I have not met you before and love the I'm Evil pic of you.
    Could we perhaps meet up and discuss the finer points.



  2. Sorry Dave but I am trying to cut back on meeting unknown gentlemen and I am sure a gentleman is what you are. x